Easter
by The Emcee
Summary: It's Easter and Chris can't help but think about his boy and the man who currently has him. Past Chris Jericho/Evan Bourne. Current CM Punk/Evan Bourne. Slash. One Shot. Happy Easter!


Title: Easter

Author: The Emcee

Pairing: Past Chris Jericho/Evan Bourne, current CM Punk/Evan Bourne

Rating: K+

Summary: It's Easter and Chris can't help but think about his boy and the man who currently has him.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I made up the names for Chris' girls, but I think his son's name is Ash.

A/N: Happy Easter, everyone! Have you all had your fair share of chocolate and egg hunts? This is a song fic and I hope you like it. R&R. Enjoy!

_I don't wanna run around_

_run outside your kitchen._

_In the front yard outside_

_where the child play._

Chris sighed heavily as he watched his children laugh and run and giggle as they hunted eggs. As always, they were at his family's Easter celebration and the egg hunt was in full swing. Last year when he had been here with his kids, Evan had been with him. But not this year. Too much had happened since last Easter and there was no way for him to amend what had happened, to heal the wounds that were now too deep to even scar over properly.

He had caused most of them and he knew that. How could he not know that? After leaving wrestling behind..after leaving Evan behind, he knew now that there had been a price to pay. There was always a toll for crossing the bridge and Chris had been too stupid and blind to realize how high the price had been at the time. Had he been anyone else aside from Chris Jericho, he probably would say something along the lines of, 'had I known then what I knew now..'. But he wasn't anyone aside from himself and cliches weren't his thing.

At least, they hadn't been.

Perhaps now they were, because Chris couldn't help but think that, had he known what the consequences would be, he wouldn't have left. Perhaps it was the remnants of his youthful naivety, but he couldn't help but wish that he could turn back time and change everything. However, there was no way he could change the past and any sort of attempt to do so had been shot down time and time again since his return. There was no way for him to fix the mistakes that he had made. He knew that. Evan knew that. And Phil knew that.

_Sand box drifting in the land_

_outside you're missing_

_Sail it till Sunday,_

_just till the evening's gray._

Phil...

Chris had respect for Phil. After all, he was a great wrestler. He did what he loved and he didn't put up with assholes just to get ahead of the game. In that aspect, Phil reminded Chris of himself. Not matter how much respect he had for Phil, however, Chris just couldn't like him. And he had tried before he left because he had been one of Evan's closest friends. But when things went to hell, he had ceased trying. Why bother when the man had stolen his boy from him.

Somewhere, deep in his mind, Chris' conscious was scolding him. Phil didn't steal Evan from him; Chris left. He left him behind when he left the company and he didn't look back. Not then, anyway. Now, it was all he could do to keep himself from looking back.

It was hard to not think about Evan, though. The younger man had been in his life ever since before his wife left him. They had grown close and had had a bond that Chris believed was unbreakable. His children even loved him, for Christ's sake! But Chris had changed when he left and the person he had started to turn into wasn't the kind of person he wanted to be. The change in his personality was bad enough that he foolishly broke up with Evan after a small fight over the phone. At the time, he hadn't cared. He had been pissed, but looking back on it, Chris knew that his anger was directed more at himself than with Evan. There were only a handful of things that Evan could say or do that could anger Chris, so it was quite clear to the blonde that he was the problem and not Evan.

Only, when he came about this realization, it was too late. Evan had been with Phil for four months and it was obvious that they weren't going to break up any time soon. That's when it all started.

_It's Easter, until the sun,_

_with Cecilia._

_It's Easter,_

_the sun and Cecilia._

It was absolutely perfect to Chris when the idea first formulated. The storyline was the perfect setting for it as well, especially since he had been scheduled to win the Royal Rumble. Creative loved it, of course. Drama and emotional upheave were always great fodder for the fans and they ate it up like hungry dogs. Chris loved every minute of it, especially since he was able to take his anger and frustration that he felt for himself out on Phil. Knowing that Evan was having drug issues also made Chris feel as though their relationship was going to break off any minute.

But it didn't.

They were still together and going strong evenn after the Royal Rumble. Even after Wrestle Mania. By that time, Chris was beginning to realize that Evan had meant what he had said to him when he first came back. That they were never going to get back together. That he wanted little to nothing to do with Chris outside of work. That there was no way he'd leave Phil for Chris. And that he was tired. Tired of everything. Of the drama and the bullshit. At the time, he refused to admit that Evan really didn't want him back. Now, there was no way for him to deny it. Not when the proof was constantly bitch slapping him in the face.

_I don't wanna aly against_

_duct tape, cracked or crooked._

_In the outdoor, left outside in the rain._

_Bus ride longing for the face_

_that I've been missing._

_Seventeen looking for a day I long again._

Up until his injury, after he was off suspension, Evan had remained by Phil's side constantly. During the house shows and dark matches, the high flyer would be there for Phil or vice versa. It was rare for them to be seen without the other and when they weren't together, they were with their friends. Chris couldn't even get could enough to see Evan's dark hair. Deep down inside of himself, Chris knew that his anger and frustration were of no use to anyone. Not himself. Not Evan. And not Phil. And they both knew that his aggression wasn't just for the storyline. Had he been a better man, he probably would have admitted it out loud.

But he wasn't a better man. All that he was was all that he had been ever since his return, and he was finally understanding what Evan meant when he had told him that he was tired. Chris was getting tired as well. Tired of being anger and frustrated and...lost. He hated doing things just to spite people. Of course, he also hated admitting defeat, but it wasn't as though anyone knew what his own private war was about exactly.

Moving past the state he had been in for months was...different. It was like heaving a sigh; a weight had been lifted but no good feeling came from it. All that was left behind was regret and sorrow. Chris regretted fucking Evan over and being a jackass to him. He regretted taking things too far with Phil, who hadn't really done anything to deserve it aside from doing his job. And he felt sorrow because he could never have what he once had. Not anymore. Not ever again. Because of his words and actions, he had lost the man he had loved for so long and he would never get him back.

_It's Easter, until the sun, with Cecilia._

_It's Easter, and the sun and Cecilia._

A small part of him was happy that Evan had finally found stability and love in someone who would treat him right. Phil treated him better than Chris ever had and he would continue to do so. Of that, Chris was certain. Evan deserved to be loved and cared for. Lord knows that Chris didn't do a good enough job of loving him.

A larger part of him just wanted to get through each day. He wasn't living, per se. More on the lines of surviving. His stupidity had taken whatever peace he had obtained with him along with the love and happiness he had shared with Evan. But he kept going forward; he had to. His three kids needed him, and he could tell that they were affected by everything that he was going through. How could they not be when he showed it to them? On screen, he wore a cool mask that hid his emotions. At home, he allowed himself to appear as defeated as he felt and they saw that. All three of them knew that Evan wasn't with him and that he wasn't going to be around for a while, but Ash understood more than the girls did.

"Dad...will we ever see Evan again?" Ash had asked him that question just last night and Chris had tried to put on a brave face, a brave smile, as he answered.

"Of course, buddy. He still loves you guys just as much as I do." And Chris knew that Evan did. On the rare moments that they were forced to be in the same room together, the high fyler always asked if Ash and the girls were doing okay. Evan may not have held any affection for him anymore, but he would always love his kids. They had wormed their ways into Evan's heart and they would remain there until his last day.

If only Chris could have managed to do such a feat...

"Daddy! Daddy!" Molly came running up to him, followed closely by her twin. Smiling down at his girls, Chris bent down and hugged Molly before giving Lexi a hug.

"Hey, girls. You having fun?" They both smiled bright, happy smiles at him.

"Uh huh."

"Yep!" Chris smiled softly and placed a soft kiss on each of their foreheads.

"Good. Now, go and find me some eggs!" Giggling, they scampered back into the hunt, baskets swinging at their sides.

Chris watched them go and he couldn't help but feel as though something was missing. And he knew what was missing: Evan. But Evan was never going to be by his side again and he knew that. The hard part was accepting it.

It's Easter, until the sun, with Cecilia.

It's Easter, and the sun and Cecilia.


End file.
